The film opens as we see boxing promoter Turkish (Jason Statham) and his naive partner Tommy (Stephen Graham), sitting nervously before an unseen man, in London. Turkish gives a brief narration about the circumstances, then the movie really takes off. We then jump to Antwerp, where gangster and compulsive gambler Frankie Four Fingers (Benicio Del Toro) and his buddies, dressed like rabbis, pull off a daring robbery and nab an 86-karat diamond (throughout the rest of the film, it's either 86-karat or 84-karat, depending on which character states it, or it loses value after going through so many hands). One of Frankie's men is the brother of ex-KGB gangster Boris the Blade (Rade Serbedzija), aka Boris the Bullet-Dodger, named due to his unique ability to defy death. Boris is now in the business of selling guns on the blackmarket, and lures Frankie to buy a gun, in order to steal the diamond.
Meanwhile, Frankie has contacted jewelry retailer Doug the Head (Mike Reid) about the diamond. Doug lives in the Jewish community of London, although he himself is not even Jewish. Nevertheless, Doug contacts his Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina) in New York about the diamond. Avi sounds very interested, and tells Doug to keep Frankie close and interested in selling.
At the same time, Turkish and Tommy are preparing for a big bout, using their premier boxer, Gorgeous George. Tommy is being overprotective these days, and carries a small firearm that he bought from Boris the Blade. Turkish and Tommy run a legitimate slot machine business on the side, to compensate for the illegal boxing that they participate in, and their office is a run-down caravan. Turkish is unimpressed by doing deals in such a crappy environment, so he urges Tommy to go buy a new caravan from a traveling band of gypsies (or pikies, as everyone else calls them). Tommy goes to the campsite, accompanied by Gorgeous George. It's there that they meet One Punch Mickey O'Neil (Brad Pitt), a tough, indecipherable part-time pugilist. Tommy buys the caravan, but as he and Gorgeous George are leaving, the wheels of the caravan almost immediately fall off. Tommy asks for the money back, but Mickey refuses. Gorgeous George demands the money back, and starts throwing his weight around, unti Mickey decides that he and Gorgeous George fight for it. They have a bare-knuckle brawl, and while Mickey is still removing his hat and shirt, Goregous George starts throwing punches. He beats Mickey up for awhile, until Mickey lays just one punch into Gorgeous George, knocking him out cold. Tommy reports back to Turkish about the bad news regarding Gorgeous George, but tells Turkish about Mickey's mean left cross. With Gorgeous George out of commission, Turkish is in dutch with debt to. Brick Top is very pissed that Gorgeous George is not going to fight, due to all the bets that were placed on him. Turkish, desperate, turns to Mickey, who says he'll do the fight if Turkish buys his mother a new caravan. Brick Top is not too impressed by this change in the cast, but allows Mickey to fight in place of Gorgeous George, granted that Mickey will take the dive in the fourth round.
During his meeting with Frankie, Boris the Blade convinces the gambler to go place a bet on the fights that night. Frankie is interested, and does so. To get the diamond, Boris hires inept pawnbrokers, Vinny (Robbie Gee) and Sol (Lennie James), to rob the bookie and steal the briefcase (containing the diamond) from Frankie. Boris gets the briefcase (its contents unknown to Vinny and Sol) and the pawnbrokers get the cash, roughly 10,000 pounds. Vinny and Sol enlist a getaway driver named Tyrone (Ade), a man so large he has trouble getting out of the car. Also along for the ride is a dog that Vinny found. The dog is very restless, always chewing and biting things, and even swallows its squeaky toy, making it squeak whenever it barks.
Frankie parks his van in front of the bookie's, and goes to the back to change. Just then, the pawnbrokers crash into his van, knocking Frankie out cold. The pawnrokers stakeout the bookie's, until it's time.
Meanwhile, Turkish is very nervous about the fight, and urges Mickey continuously to go down in the fourth. Mickey just nods. When the fight begins, Mickey throws the first punch, and knocks the other fighter out cold. Now, Turkish and Tommy are in big trouble. Brick Top is not very happy.
Vinny and Sol finally decide to rob the bookie's. When they enter the building and draw their guns, the girl working the counter immediately hits the alarm, closing off all of the windows and doors, trapping Vinny and Sol inside. Vinny is actually trapped in the closed window, half of his body hanging out. Sol blows a hole in the wall with his shotgun, and tells the girl to lower the window so Vinny can get free. She does, Vinny falls to the ground, and Sol tells the girl to hand over the money. She says there is no money, since all bets are off. There's only a few coins. When Sol accidentally places his shotgun down for a second, the girl grabs it, fires at them, and closes the window. Sol fires his pistol at the door trying to break the glass, but the bullet ricochets, hitting Vinny in the leg. Both men take off their masks, only to see the security camera looking straight at them. Suddenly, Tyrone pushes the door open, and the three run back to the car. As they are preparing to leave, they see Frankie, now awake, exiting his van. Tyrone walks up to him and knocks him out cold with the butt of his pistol. He tries taking the briefcase, but it's attached to Frankie's arm, so Tyrone puts Frankie's unconscious body in the car with him and the pawnbrokers.
Back in New York, Avi is hounding Doug the Head about the whereabouts of Frankie. Doug says he's looking, but can't find him. Actually, Doug isn't looking, and Avi knows this, so he flies to London himself. Avi reems out Doug about not finding the diamond, and sets his sights on getting it himself.
At the pawnshop, Vinny, Sol and Tyrone have Frankie tied to a chair, a sack over his head. Boris the Blade enters, and asks why they brought Frankie with them, instead of just cutting off his arm and taking the briefcase. Vinny tells Boris there was no money at the bookie, so Boris compensates them with the 10,000 pounds in cash upfront. Vinny declines, saying that he and his pals are more interested in the diamond. They opened the case, and found the stone, and demand half of whatever it's worth. Boris explains that whatever is in the briefcase is his, but Vinny won't listen and walks away. Boris, angry but cool about it, pulls out his gun, and shoots Frankie in the head. The pawnbrokers are now scared out of their wits. Boris demands the diamond, but the pawnbrokers had put it back in the briefcase and only Frankie knew the combination. Boris, getting very agitated, pulls out a meat cleaver, and hacks off Frankie's arm. He takes the briefcase, with the arm still attached, and tells the pawnbrokers they can keep the 10,000 pounds, as well as the body. It's now their problem.
Turkish returns home, and finds Brick Top with two of his goons waiting for him. Brick Top explains that Turkish is in deep trouble, however, Brick Top was impressed by Mickey's style, and tells Turkish that he wants to use the gypsy in a bare-knuckle fight coming up, with Mickey still going down in the fourth. Turkish agrees, and Brick Top leaves, but not until taking most of Turkish's money to compensate for Mickey's stubborness. Now, Brick Top wants to know who tried to hit the bookie, so he and his goons watch the security tape. They don't recognize Sol and Vinny, but one of the goons recognizes Tyrone when he opened the door.
Turkish and Tommy venture back out to the campsites, and find Mickey and his friends "coursing" , a game that involves hungry dogs chasing a hare. Turkish asks Mickey to fight in the bare-knuckle brawl. Mickey tells the promoters that he still wants the caravan for his mother, but he'll place a bet about his conditions of fighting. If the hare gets away, Turkish has to pay up, but if the dogs capture the hare, Mickey will fight for free. They let the hare go, and the dogs chase after it. This scene is intercut with Brick Top's goons locating, chasing and capturing Tyrone, putting him in a hole with angry dogs. Tyrone tells Brick Top everything about the robbery. At the same time, the hare, after some close calls, escapes with its life. Turkish has to look into getting the caravan. On the drive back to town, Tommy tries to test out the gun that Boris sold to him, but it's defective and won't fire.
Avi, growing very upset with Doug, decides to hire a troubleshooter by the name of Bullet-Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones), who, as legend has it, took six bullets in one sitting, and survived. Tony agrees to work for Avi, and the two, along with Avi's sidekick, Rosebud, go to get information. Tony grabs a con named Mullet (Ewen Bremner, "Spud" from "Trainspotting") off the street, traps his head in the car window, and drives down the street, with Mullet running along side the car, until Mullet spills the beans, and reveals to them about the pawnbrokers.
Back at the pawnshop, Vinny and Sol are trying to dispose of Frankie's body, when suddenly Brick Top walks in. He explains to them the best way to dispose of the body is to feed the flesh to pigs. That's his method, anyways. Brick Top leads them to their outer office, where a group of goons wait, with bodybags, butcher knives, etc., basically preparing for the pawnbrokers' demise. Sol, in desperation, tells Brick Top about the diamond, and says that he and Vinny can get it for him in four days. Brick Top agrees, but gives them 48 hours instead.
Turkish tells Brick Top the demands regarding the upcoming bout. He says that Mickey's mother wants a new caravan. Brick Top is very pissed that Turkish would have the balls to demand things of him, so he decides to put his message across. Some goons smash up Turkish's slot machines. Turkish knocks two of them out, but they eventually nab him, and are about to cut off his arm, when Tommy walks in, with his defective gun, and gets him and Turkish out of there. Brick Top also wants to make clear to Mickey about his point, so he burns down Mickey's mother's caravan...with his mother inside. Mickey tries to save her, but his friends hold him back, as the flames grow higher.
Tony and Avi go over to the pawnbrokers, where Vinny reveals, with Tony's gun to his head, that it was all Boris the Blade's idea. Tony is surprised to hear this name, and tells Avi about Boris. While they are waiting at Doug the Head's jewelry shop, they see Boris enter on the security camera. Rosebud says he'll take care of Boris. The next cut shows Rosebud, Tony and Avi in the car, all a little beaten up. They got Boris, though, and put him in their trunk, with a little difficulty. They go over to Boris' house, and get the diamond.
The pawnbrokers don't have any guns, but they purchase some replicas with extra loud blanks to get back the diamond from Boris. They're tipped off by Tyrone that he found Boris, but he wasn't alone. That's when the bizarre car montage begins...
The pawnbrokers are following Avi and Tony when suddenly they hit someone standing in the street.
Turkish and Tommy are driving along in their Land Rover, and Tommy is explaining why it's bad for Turkish to drink milk. Tommy grabs the milk, and tosses it out of the window, only to hear a crash.
Tony is driving Avi and Rosebud, and Avi says that he wants to kill Boris. Tony suggests shooting him. Avi says it's too loud. Tony suggests stabbing. Avi says it's too cold-blooded. Tony says they should stab him, and tells Rosebud to pull out a blade from under the seat. Rosebud pulls out a large sword, when suddenly...a carton of milk splashes onto the windshield, causing Tony to crash. Tony and Avi are fine, but Rosebud is dead, the sword sticking out of him. Avi looks across the street and sees Boris, tied up with a sack over his head, walking around, until suddenly hit, by the pawnbroker's car.
Turkish and Tommy are now at Boris', with Tommy ready to demand his money back for the defective gun. Suddenly, Boris, still very much alive and angry, walks by them. Tommy tries to talk to him, but Boris racks him. Boris walks inside his house, and grabs a large assault rifle, like the one in "Scarface."
Tony and Avi, trying to keep it cool, go into a nearby pub to clean up. Avi goes to the bathroom with the diamond. Tony goes to the bar, and orders a pint. The pawnbrokers walk in, in masks with their replicas, and point them at Tony, who is very calm. They demand to know where the diamond is, but Tony says that they're not going to get anywhere with those guns, considering they have "replica" written down the side of them. Tony draws their attention to his gun, which has Desert Eagle .50 written down the side of it. The pawnbrokers leave, but while they are in the hall, Avi opens the bathroom door. The pawnbrokers point their replicas at Avi, and demand the diamond. Avi says they're going to have to shoot him. Suddenly, Boris enters, with his assault rifle, and he's about to shoot everyone. Tony is in the other room, but can hear everything. He finds the hall door is locked, and yells for Avi to grab his socks ("get down!"). Avi and the pawnbrokers drop to the ground, as Tony fires round after round through the wall, hitting Boris. Vinny and Sol get up, grab the case, and run, leaving Tyrone behind. Tony walks into the hallway, reloads, and shoots Boris a few more times. But Boris is still alive. It takes the entire round, and a shot to the head to finally kill Boris the Bullet-Dodger. Tony also tries to shoot Tyrone, but the gun is empty.
Vinny and Sol, now that they have the diamond, are about to give it to Brick Top, when Tony suddenly appears. Vinny hides the diamond in his pants, and tells Sol to tell Tony and Avi it's back at the pawnshop. They all go back to the pawnshop. Vinny's dog has torn the place up, shredding papers and defecating on the floor. Avi tells Tony to open a window. Vinny says the diamond is missing, the dog must have eaten it. Avi tells Tony to open the dog up, but Vinny resists. There's a lot of commotion, and Vinny finally hands the diamond over to Avi. Avi admires the diamond, but the dog suddenly jumps up and grabs the diamond with its mouth. Avi is very angry now, and grabs Tony's gun and starts firing everywhere. The dog jumps out of the open window. Avi tells Tony to follow him, but Tony isn't going anywhere. Avi realizes that he just accidently killed Tony. This sends Avi back to New York.
During O'Neil's wake, Mickey gets very, very drunk. Turkish and Tommy wake him up, and get him ready for the fight. Brick Top tells the gypsy to do as he says, considering there's a handful of men waiting at the campground, armed and awaiting Brick Top's instructions to kill the other gypsies, should Mickey disobey him. Mickey once again must go down in the fourth. Turkish yells at Mickey not to knock the other fighter out. The bout begins, and Mickey once again opens with his mean left cross, knocking the other fighter down, but not out. The fight really starts, and the two are merely trading licks. Mickey is not fighting like he normally does, and is soon taking a beating. Finally, in the fourth round, after taking some mighty hits, Mickey is knocked hard to the ground. As he hits the ground, the floor of the mat suddenly turns into water, and Mickey is swimming underwater, looking above to see himself lying down with the other fighter above him. All Mickey has to do now is stay down. However, Mickey swims back up into his body, and, with one swift punch, knocks the other fighter out cold. Brick Top rushes outside. He wants to shoot Turkish, Mickey and Tommy as they are leaving. Brick Top calls one of his men on his cell phone, and hears gunfire. He hangs up, and as Turkish, Mickey, and Tommy are getting to their car, Brick Top knocks on the window of his car, and demands that his goon give him a gun. Suddenly, there's a shot.
We then retrace back, with Turkish's narration, that Mickey was expecting the ambush on the campsite. The other gypsies surround Brick Top's men, and blow them away. When Brick Top called one of his men, Mickey's buddy answers, and says that Brick Top is going to speak up if his friend wants to hear him. Mickey's friend then shoots Brick Top's man. The gypsies are also waiting in Brick Top's car, and when Brick Top demands a gun, one of the gypsies roll down the window, and shoots Brick Top in the face. Mickey takes off with the gypsies, leaving Turkish and Tommy a bit confused.
The next day, Turkish and Tommy go to the campsite, to find it abandoned. The gypsies left in the middle of the night. Some police officers arrive, and ask Turkish what he's doing there. Suddenly, Turkish spots Vinny's dog, and tells the officer he was walking his dog. Tommy grabs the dog, and he and Turkish leave, only to pass by Vinny and Sol by their car on the side of the road, being questioned by cops why they have a dead man missing his arm in their trunk. Turkish goes on to explain that Tommy wanted to keep the dog, but Turkish made it go to the vet, to stop the squeaking. While at the vet, they discovered the diamond, and now we are back to the first scene of the film, with Turkish and Tommy sitting nervously across from an unseen man. Turkish is inquiring about the diamond, and the camera does a quick dolly to reveal Doug the Head, who says he might know someone interested in it. We cut back to see Avi boarding a plane for London.
Meanwhile, Frankie has contacted jewelry retailer Doug the Head (Mike Reid) about the diamond. Doug lives in the Jewish community of London, although he himself is not even Jewish. Nevertheless, Doug contacts his Cousin Avi (Dennis Farina) in New York about the diamond. Avi sounds very interested, and tells Doug to keep Frankie close and interested in selling.
At the same time, Turkish and Tommy are preparing for a big bout, using their premier boxer, Gorgeous George. Tommy is being overprotective these days, and carries a small firearm that he bought from Boris the Blade. Turkish and Tommy run a legitimate slot machine business on the side, to compensate for the illegal boxing that they participate in, and their office is a run-down caravan. Turkish is unimpressed by doing deals in such a crappy environment, so he urges Tommy to go buy a new caravan from a traveling band of gypsies (or pikies, as everyone else calls them). Tommy goes to the campsite, accompanied by Gorgeous George. It's there that they meet One Punch Mickey O'Neil (Brad Pitt), a tough, indecipherable part-time pugilist. Tommy buys the caravan, but as he and Gorgeous George are leaving, the wheels of the caravan almost immediately fall off. Tommy asks for the money back, but Mickey refuses. Gorgeous George demands the money back, and starts throwing his weight around, unti Mickey decides that he and Gorgeous George fight for it. They have a bare-knuckle brawl, and while Mickey is still removing his hat and shirt, Goregous George starts throwing punches. He beats Mickey up for awhile, until Mickey lays just one punch into Gorgeous George, knocking him out cold. Tommy reports back to Turkish about the bad news regarding Gorgeous George, but tells Turkish about Mickey's mean left cross. With Gorgeous George out of commission, Turkish is in dutch with debt to. Brick Top is very pissed that Gorgeous George is not going to fight, due to all the bets that were placed on him. Turkish, desperate, turns to Mickey, who says he'll do the fight if Turkish buys his mother a new caravan. Brick Top is not too impressed by this change in the cast, but allows Mickey to fight in place of Gorgeous George, granted that Mickey will take the dive in the fourth round.
During his meeting with Frankie, Boris the Blade convinces the gambler to go place a bet on the fights that night. Frankie is interested, and does so. To get the diamond, Boris hires inept pawnbrokers, Vinny (Robbie Gee) and Sol (Lennie James), to rob the bookie and steal the briefcase (containing the diamond) from Frankie. Boris gets the briefcase (its contents unknown to Vinny and Sol) and the pawnbrokers get the cash, roughly 10,000 pounds. Vinny and Sol enlist a getaway driver named Tyrone (Ade), a man so large he has trouble getting out of the car. Also along for the ride is a dog that Vinny found. The dog is very restless, always chewing and biting things, and even swallows its squeaky toy, making it squeak whenever it barks.
Frankie parks his van in front of the bookie's, and goes to the back to change. Just then, the pawnbrokers crash into his van, knocking Frankie out cold. The pawnrokers stakeout the bookie's, until it's time.
Meanwhile, Turkish is very nervous about the fight, and urges Mickey continuously to go down in the fourth. Mickey just nods. When the fight begins, Mickey throws the first punch, and knocks the other fighter out cold. Now, Turkish and Tommy are in big trouble. Brick Top is not very happy.
Vinny and Sol finally decide to rob the bookie's. When they enter the building and draw their guns, the girl working the counter immediately hits the alarm, closing off all of the windows and doors, trapping Vinny and Sol inside. Vinny is actually trapped in the closed window, half of his body hanging out. Sol blows a hole in the wall with his shotgun, and tells the girl to lower the window so Vinny can get free. She does, Vinny falls to the ground, and Sol tells the girl to hand over the money. She says there is no money, since all bets are off. There's only a few coins. When Sol accidentally places his shotgun down for a second, the girl grabs it, fires at them, and closes the window. Sol fires his pistol at the door trying to break the glass, but the bullet ricochets, hitting Vinny in the leg. Both men take off their masks, only to see the security camera looking straight at them. Suddenly, Tyrone pushes the door open, and the three run back to the car. As they are preparing to leave, they see Frankie, now awake, exiting his van. Tyrone walks up to him and knocks him out cold with the butt of his pistol. He tries taking the briefcase, but it's attached to Frankie's arm, so Tyrone puts Frankie's unconscious body in the car with him and the pawnbrokers.
Back in New York, Avi is hounding Doug the Head about the whereabouts of Frankie. Doug says he's looking, but can't find him. Actually, Doug isn't looking, and Avi knows this, so he flies to London himself. Avi reems out Doug about not finding the diamond, and sets his sights on getting it himself.
At the pawnshop, Vinny, Sol and Tyrone have Frankie tied to a chair, a sack over his head. Boris the Blade enters, and asks why they brought Frankie with them, instead of just cutting off his arm and taking the briefcase. Vinny tells Boris there was no money at the bookie, so Boris compensates them with the 10,000 pounds in cash upfront. Vinny declines, saying that he and his pals are more interested in the diamond. They opened the case, and found the stone, and demand half of whatever it's worth. Boris explains that whatever is in the briefcase is his, but Vinny won't listen and walks away. Boris, angry but cool about it, pulls out his gun, and shoots Frankie in the head. The pawnbrokers are now scared out of their wits. Boris demands the diamond, but the pawnbrokers had put it back in the briefcase and only Frankie knew the combination. Boris, getting very agitated, pulls out a meat cleaver, and hacks off Frankie's arm. He takes the briefcase, with the arm still attached, and tells the pawnbrokers they can keep the 10,000 pounds, as well as the body. It's now their problem.
Turkish returns home, and finds Brick Top with two of his goons waiting for him. Brick Top explains that Turkish is in deep trouble, however, Brick Top was impressed by Mickey's style, and tells Turkish that he wants to use the gypsy in a bare-knuckle fight coming up, with Mickey still going down in the fourth. Turkish agrees, and Brick Top leaves, but not until taking most of Turkish's money to compensate for Mickey's stubborness. Now, Brick Top wants to know who tried to hit the bookie, so he and his goons watch the security tape. They don't recognize Sol and Vinny, but one of the goons recognizes Tyrone when he opened the door.
Turkish and Tommy venture back out to the campsites, and find Mickey and his friends "coursing" , a game that involves hungry dogs chasing a hare. Turkish asks Mickey to fight in the bare-knuckle brawl. Mickey tells the promoters that he still wants the caravan for his mother, but he'll place a bet about his conditions of fighting. If the hare gets away, Turkish has to pay up, but if the dogs capture the hare, Mickey will fight for free. They let the hare go, and the dogs chase after it. This scene is intercut with Brick Top's goons locating, chasing and capturing Tyrone, putting him in a hole with angry dogs. Tyrone tells Brick Top everything about the robbery. At the same time, the hare, after some close calls, escapes with its life. Turkish has to look into getting the caravan. On the drive back to town, Tommy tries to test out the gun that Boris sold to him, but it's defective and won't fire.
Avi, growing very upset with Doug, decides to hire a troubleshooter by the name of Bullet-Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones), who, as legend has it, took six bullets in one sitting, and survived. Tony agrees to work for Avi, and the two, along with Avi's sidekick, Rosebud, go to get information. Tony grabs a con named Mullet (Ewen Bremner, "Spud" from "Trainspotting") off the street, traps his head in the car window, and drives down the street, with Mullet running along side the car, until Mullet spills the beans, and reveals to them about the pawnbrokers.
Back at the pawnshop, Vinny and Sol are trying to dispose of Frankie's body, when suddenly Brick Top walks in. He explains to them the best way to dispose of the body is to feed the flesh to pigs. That's his method, anyways. Brick Top leads them to their outer office, where a group of goons wait, with bodybags, butcher knives, etc., basically preparing for the pawnbrokers' demise. Sol, in desperation, tells Brick Top about the diamond, and says that he and Vinny can get it for him in four days. Brick Top agrees, but gives them 48 hours instead.
Turkish tells Brick Top the demands regarding the upcoming bout. He says that Mickey's mother wants a new caravan. Brick Top is very pissed that Turkish would have the balls to demand things of him, so he decides to put his message across. Some goons smash up Turkish's slot machines. Turkish knocks two of them out, but they eventually nab him, and are about to cut off his arm, when Tommy walks in, with his defective gun, and gets him and Turkish out of there. Brick Top also wants to make clear to Mickey about his point, so he burns down Mickey's mother's caravan...with his mother inside. Mickey tries to save her, but his friends hold him back, as the flames grow higher.
Tony and Avi go over to the pawnbrokers, where Vinny reveals, with Tony's gun to his head, that it was all Boris the Blade's idea. Tony is surprised to hear this name, and tells Avi about Boris. While they are waiting at Doug the Head's jewelry shop, they see Boris enter on the security camera. Rosebud says he'll take care of Boris. The next cut shows Rosebud, Tony and Avi in the car, all a little beaten up. They got Boris, though, and put him in their trunk, with a little difficulty. They go over to Boris' house, and get the diamond.
The pawnbrokers don't have any guns, but they purchase some replicas with extra loud blanks to get back the diamond from Boris. They're tipped off by Tyrone that he found Boris, but he wasn't alone. That's when the bizarre car montage begins...
The pawnbrokers are following Avi and Tony when suddenly they hit someone standing in the street.
Turkish and Tommy are driving along in their Land Rover, and Tommy is explaining why it's bad for Turkish to drink milk. Tommy grabs the milk, and tosses it out of the window, only to hear a crash.
Tony is driving Avi and Rosebud, and Avi says that he wants to kill Boris. Tony suggests shooting him. Avi says it's too loud. Tony suggests stabbing. Avi says it's too cold-blooded. Tony says they should stab him, and tells Rosebud to pull out a blade from under the seat. Rosebud pulls out a large sword, when suddenly...a carton of milk splashes onto the windshield, causing Tony to crash. Tony and Avi are fine, but Rosebud is dead, the sword sticking out of him. Avi looks across the street and sees Boris, tied up with a sack over his head, walking around, until suddenly hit, by the pawnbroker's car.
Turkish and Tommy are now at Boris', with Tommy ready to demand his money back for the defective gun. Suddenly, Boris, still very much alive and angry, walks by them. Tommy tries to talk to him, but Boris racks him. Boris walks inside his house, and grabs a large assault rifle, like the one in "Scarface."
Tony and Avi, trying to keep it cool, go into a nearby pub to clean up. Avi goes to the bathroom with the diamond. Tony goes to the bar, and orders a pint. The pawnbrokers walk in, in masks with their replicas, and point them at Tony, who is very calm. They demand to know where the diamond is, but Tony says that they're not going to get anywhere with those guns, considering they have "replica" written down the side of them. Tony draws their attention to his gun, which has Desert Eagle .50 written down the side of it. The pawnbrokers leave, but while they are in the hall, Avi opens the bathroom door. The pawnbrokers point their replicas at Avi, and demand the diamond. Avi says they're going to have to shoot him. Suddenly, Boris enters, with his assault rifle, and he's about to shoot everyone. Tony is in the other room, but can hear everything. He finds the hall door is locked, and yells for Avi to grab his socks ("get down!"). Avi and the pawnbrokers drop to the ground, as Tony fires round after round through the wall, hitting Boris. Vinny and Sol get up, grab the case, and run, leaving Tyrone behind. Tony walks into the hallway, reloads, and shoots Boris a few more times. But Boris is still alive. It takes the entire round, and a shot to the head to finally kill Boris the Bullet-Dodger. Tony also tries to shoot Tyrone, but the gun is empty.
Vinny and Sol, now that they have the diamond, are about to give it to Brick Top, when Tony suddenly appears. Vinny hides the diamond in his pants, and tells Sol to tell Tony and Avi it's back at the pawnshop. They all go back to the pawnshop. Vinny's dog has torn the place up, shredding papers and defecating on the floor. Avi tells Tony to open a window. Vinny says the diamond is missing, the dog must have eaten it. Avi tells Tony to open the dog up, but Vinny resists. There's a lot of commotion, and Vinny finally hands the diamond over to Avi. Avi admires the diamond, but the dog suddenly jumps up and grabs the diamond with its mouth. Avi is very angry now, and grabs Tony's gun and starts firing everywhere. The dog jumps out of the open window. Avi tells Tony to follow him, but Tony isn't going anywhere. Avi realizes that he just accidently killed Tony. This sends Avi back to New York.
During O'Neil's wake, Mickey gets very, very drunk. Turkish and Tommy wake him up, and get him ready for the fight. Brick Top tells the gypsy to do as he says, considering there's a handful of men waiting at the campground, armed and awaiting Brick Top's instructions to kill the other gypsies, should Mickey disobey him. Mickey once again must go down in the fourth. Turkish yells at Mickey not to knock the other fighter out. The bout begins, and Mickey once again opens with his mean left cross, knocking the other fighter down, but not out. The fight really starts, and the two are merely trading licks. Mickey is not fighting like he normally does, and is soon taking a beating. Finally, in the fourth round, after taking some mighty hits, Mickey is knocked hard to the ground. As he hits the ground, the floor of the mat suddenly turns into water, and Mickey is swimming underwater, looking above to see himself lying down with the other fighter above him. All Mickey has to do now is stay down. However, Mickey swims back up into his body, and, with one swift punch, knocks the other fighter out cold. Brick Top rushes outside. He wants to shoot Turkish, Mickey and Tommy as they are leaving. Brick Top calls one of his men on his cell phone, and hears gunfire. He hangs up, and as Turkish, Mickey, and Tommy are getting to their car, Brick Top knocks on the window of his car, and demands that his goon give him a gun. Suddenly, there's a shot.
We then retrace back, with Turkish's narration, that Mickey was expecting the ambush on the campsite. The other gypsies surround Brick Top's men, and blow them away. When Brick Top called one of his men, Mickey's buddy answers, and says that Brick Top is going to speak up if his friend wants to hear him. Mickey's friend then shoots Brick Top's man. The gypsies are also waiting in Brick Top's car, and when Brick Top demands a gun, one of the gypsies roll down the window, and shoots Brick Top in the face. Mickey takes off with the gypsies, leaving Turkish and Tommy a bit confused.
The next day, Turkish and Tommy go to the campsite, to find it abandoned. The gypsies left in the middle of the night. Some police officers arrive, and ask Turkish what he's doing there. Suddenly, Turkish spots Vinny's dog, and tells the officer he was walking his dog. Tommy grabs the dog, and he and Turkish leave, only to pass by Vinny and Sol by their car on the side of the road, being questioned by cops why they have a dead man missing his arm in their trunk. Turkish goes on to explain that Tommy wanted to keep the dog, but Turkish made it go to the vet, to stop the squeaking. While at the vet, they discovered the diamond, and now we are back to the first scene of the film, with Turkish and Tommy sitting nervously across from an unseen man. Turkish is inquiring about the diamond, and the camera does a quick dolly to reveal Doug the Head, who says he might know someone interested in it. We cut back to see Avi boarding a plane for London.
Memorable quotes for Snatch :
Brick Top: In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again?
Turkish: Well, do you want to do it?
Mickey: That depends.
Turkish: On what?
Mickey: On you buying this caravan. Not the rouge one, the rose.
Turkish: It's not the same caravan.
Mickey: It's not the same fight.
Turkish: It's twice the fucking size of the last one.
Mickey: Turkish, the fight is twice the size. And me ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it.
Turkish: Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fucking rich.
[Realizes his mistake]
Turkish: I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant...
Mickey: Ah, save your breath for cooling your porridge. Now, look...
Mickey: [starts talking incoherently] I want the hector two roof lights, with the discover cushions and the matching side stripe caravan.
Mickey: Right. And she's terrible partial to the periwinkle blue, boys. Have I made myself clear, lads?
Turkish: Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey. Just give me one minute to confer with my colleague.
[to Tommy]
Turkish: Did you understand a single word of what he just said?
Mickey: That depends.
Turkish: On what?
Mickey: On you buying this caravan. Not the rouge one, the rose.
Turkish: It's not the same caravan.
Mickey: It's not the same fight.
Turkish: It's twice the fucking size of the last one.
Mickey: Turkish, the fight is twice the size. And me ma still needs a caravan. I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it.
Turkish: Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance. Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fucking rich.
[Realizes his mistake]
Turkish: I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant...
Mickey: Ah, save your breath for cooling your porridge. Now, look...
Mickey: [starts talking incoherently] I want the hector two roof lights, with the discover cushions and the matching side stripe caravan.
Mickey: Right. And she's terrible partial to the periwinkle blue, boys. Have I made myself clear, lads?
Turkish: Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey. Just give me one minute to confer with my colleague.
[to Tommy]
Turkish: Did you understand a single word of what he just said?
Avi: You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London.
[Avi arrives in London]
Doug the Head: Avi!
Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big, bald fuck. I don't like leaving my own country, Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less then warm sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats.
Doug the Head: We've got sandy beaches...
Avi: So? Who the fuck wants to see 'em? I hope you appreciate the concern I have for my friend Franky, Doug. I'm gonna find him, and you're gonna help me find him, and we're gonna start at that fight.
[Avi arrives in London]
Doug the Head: Avi!
Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big, bald fuck. I don't like leaving my own country, Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less then warm sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats.
Doug the Head: We've got sandy beaches...
Avi: So? Who the fuck wants to see 'em? I hope you appreciate the concern I have for my friend Franky, Doug. I'm gonna find him, and you're gonna help me find him, and we're gonna start at that fight.
Bullet Tooth Tony: So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. Now there are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your guns...
[Zoom in on the side of Sol's gun, which indeed has "REPLICA" etched on the side; zoom out, as they sneak peeks at the sides of their guns]
Bullet Tooth Tony: And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O"...
[Withdraws his gun and puts it on the table]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Written down the side of mine...
[They look, zoom in on the side of his gun, which indeed has "DESERT EAGLE .50" etched on the side]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!
Vinny: These are your last words, so make them a prayer.
Bullet Tooth Tony: Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your guns...
[Zoom in on the side of Sol's gun, which indeed has "REPLICA" etched on the side; zoom out, as they sneak peeks at the sides of their guns]
Bullet Tooth Tony: And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O"...
[Withdraws his gun and puts it on the table]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Written down the side of mine...
[They look, zoom in on the side of his gun, which indeed has "DESERT EAGLE .50" etched on the side]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!
[Tyrone just backed into Franky Four Fingers' van]
Tyrone: I didn't see it there.
Vinny: It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. Its not as if it's a packet of fucking peanuts, is it?
Tyrone: It was a funny angle.
[All three turn and look back at the truck]
Vinny: It's behind you Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
Tyrone: I didn't see it there.
Vinny: It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. Its not as if it's a packet of fucking peanuts, is it?
Tyrone: It was a funny angle.
[All three turn and look back at the truck]
Vinny: It's behind you Tyrone. Whenever you reverse, things come from behind you.
Turkish: [looks at the caravan] Look at it. How am I suppose to run this thing from that? We'll need a proper office. I want a new one, Tommy. You're going to buy it for me.
Tommy: Why me?
Turkish: Well, you know about caravans.
Tommy: How's that?
Turkish: You spent a summer in one, which means you know more than me. And I don't want to have my pants pulled down over the price.
Tommy: What's wrong with this one?
Turkish: [Pulls the caravan's door from its hinges] Oh, nothing, Tommy. It's tiptop. It's just I'm not sure about the colour.
Tommy: Why me?
Turkish: Well, you know about caravans.
Tommy: How's that?
Turkish: You spent a summer in one, which means you know more than me. And I don't want to have my pants pulled down over the price.
Tommy: What's wrong with this one?
Turkish: [Pulls the caravan's door from its hinges] Oh, nothing, Tommy. It's tiptop. It's just I'm not sure about the colour.
Bullet Tooth Tony: I want to know who blagged Brick-Top's bookies.
Mullet: Do me a favor, Ton!
Bullet Tooth Tony: I will do you a favor, Mullet. I'll not get out of this car and bash the living fuck out of you in front of all your girlfriends.
[Mullet hunkers down to the car window]
Mullet: Got to make it worth my while, mate. Jesus, Tony, you know that...
[Tony seizes his tie and rolls up the window, wedging Mullet's head in it]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Comfortable, Mullet? It seems sadly ironic that it's that tie that's got you into this pickle. Now you just take all the time you want.
[He starts the car forward]
Mullet: What the fuck are you doing, Ton?
Bullet Tooth Tony: I'm driving down the street with your head stuck in my window. What do you think I'm doing, you pen-ass?
Mullet: Slow down, Ton.
Bullet Tooth Tony: [sniffs] You been using dogshit for toothpaste, Mullet?
Mullet: Slow down, Ton! Slow down, Tony!
Bullet Tooth Tony: I don't think I'll slow down. I think I'll speed up. You can play some music if you like.
[He turns on the radio; Madonna's "Lucky Star" is playing]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Oh, I love this track.
Mullet: I think...
Bullet Tooth Tony: Yes, Mullet?
Mullet: I think it's two black guys, in a pawn shop on Smith street.
Bullet Tooth Tony: You better not be telling me porky pies.
Mullet: I'm fucking telling you, it's two black guys who work off a pawn shop in fucking Smith Street!
Avi: That's very effective, Tony. It's not too subtle, but effective.
[Tony accelerates and turns toward Smith Street]
Avi: Are we taking him with us?
[Tony rolls down the window, releasing Mullet's head and dumping him on the roadside]
Mullet: Do me a favor, Ton!
Bullet Tooth Tony: I will do you a favor, Mullet. I'll not get out of this car and bash the living fuck out of you in front of all your girlfriends.
[Mullet hunkers down to the car window]
Mullet: Got to make it worth my while, mate. Jesus, Tony, you know that...
[Tony seizes his tie and rolls up the window, wedging Mullet's head in it]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Comfortable, Mullet? It seems sadly ironic that it's that tie that's got you into this pickle. Now you just take all the time you want.
[He starts the car forward]
Mullet: What the fuck are you doing, Ton?
Bullet Tooth Tony: I'm driving down the street with your head stuck in my window. What do you think I'm doing, you pen-ass?
Mullet: Slow down, Ton.
Bullet Tooth Tony: [sniffs] You been using dogshit for toothpaste, Mullet?
Mullet: Slow down, Ton! Slow down, Tony!
Bullet Tooth Tony: I don't think I'll slow down. I think I'll speed up. You can play some music if you like.
[He turns on the radio; Madonna's "Lucky Star" is playing]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Oh, I love this track.
Mullet: I think...
Bullet Tooth Tony: Yes, Mullet?
Mullet: I think it's two black guys, in a pawn shop on Smith street.
Bullet Tooth Tony: You better not be telling me porky pies.
Mullet: I'm fucking telling you, it's two black guys who work off a pawn shop in fucking Smith Street!
Avi: That's very effective, Tony. It's not too subtle, but effective.
[Tony accelerates and turns toward Smith Street]
Avi: Are we taking him with us?
[Tony rolls down the window, releasing Mullet's head and dumping him on the roadside]
Mickey: The deal was you bought it like you saw it. Hey, look, I've helped you as much as I'm going to help you. See that car? Just use it for you're not welcome anymore. You should fuck off now while you still got the legs to carry you.
Gorgeous George: Nobody...
Mickey: Nobody brings a fella the size of you unless they're trying to say something without talking, right boy?
Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give our money back and you can keep the caravan.
Mickey: Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fucking wheels?
[Gorgeous rushes Mickey]
Mickey: You want to settle this with a fight?
Mrs. O'Neil: Over my dead body! Now, go on! Go on! I'll not have you fighting! You know what happens when you fight.
Mickey: Get her to sit down. For fuck's sake! Want the money? I ain't fucked you. I'll fight you for it. You and me.
Gorgeous George: Nobody...
Mickey: Nobody brings a fella the size of you unless they're trying to say something without talking, right boy?
Tommy: Sorry, Mickey. Just give our money back and you can keep the caravan.
Mickey: Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fucking wheels?
[Gorgeous rushes Mickey]
Mickey: You want to settle this with a fight?
Mrs. O'Neil: Over my dead body! Now, go on! Go on! I'll not have you fighting! You know what happens when you fight.
Mickey: Get her to sit down. For fuck's sake! Want the money? I ain't fucked you. I'll fight you for it. You and me.
Alex Denovitz: What about Tony?
[Cut back and forth between Doug's office and a younger Tony in Charlie's brothel]
Alex Denovitz: You know, Bullet Tooth Tony.
Avi: Who's Bullet Tooth...?
Charlie: Tony!
Bullet Tooth Tony: You silly fuck.
Doug the Head: He's a liability.
Alex Denovitz: He'll find you Moses and the burning bush, if you pay him to.
Charlie: [draws a gun] You are gonna die, Tony!
Alex Denovitz: He got shot six times, had the bullets molded into gold.
[Charlie shoots Tony twice in the chest]
Charlie: I shoot you, you go down!
Susi Denovitz: He's got two in his teeth that Dad did for him. So he loves Dad.
[Charlie shoots Tony three more times]
Charlie: Why don't you fucking die!
Susi Denovitz: He's the best chance you got of finding Franky.
Avi: Six times?
[Charlie shoots Tony in the mouth]
Doug the Head: In one sitting.
[Tony, blood dripping from his mouth, draws a saber]
Bullet Tooth Tony: You're in trouble now!
[Cut back and forth between Doug's office and a younger Tony in Charlie's brothel]
Alex Denovitz: You know, Bullet Tooth Tony.
Avi: Who's Bullet Tooth...?
Charlie: Tony!
Bullet Tooth Tony: You silly fuck.
Doug the Head: He's a liability.
Alex Denovitz: He'll find you Moses and the burning bush, if you pay him to.
Charlie: [draws a gun] You are gonna die, Tony!
Alex Denovitz: He got shot six times, had the bullets molded into gold.
[Charlie shoots Tony twice in the chest]
Charlie: I shoot you, you go down!
Susi Denovitz: He's got two in his teeth that Dad did for him. So he loves Dad.
[Charlie shoots Tony three more times]
Charlie: Why don't you fucking die!
Susi Denovitz: He's the best chance you got of finding Franky.
Avi: Six times?
[Charlie shoots Tony in the mouth]
Doug the Head: In one sitting.
[Tony, blood dripping from his mouth, draws a saber]
Bullet Tooth Tony: You're in trouble now!
Mickey: I'll bet you for it.
Tommy: You'll what?
Pikeys: HE'LL BET YOU FOR IT!
Turkish: What, like Tommy did last time? Do me a favour?
Mickey: I'll do you a favour. You have first bet. If I win, I get a caravan... and the boys get a pair of them shoes.
[the Pikeys laugh at Turkish and Tommy, who are wearing plastic bags around their shoes]
Mickey: If I lose... Oh fuck it, I'll do the fight for free.
Turkish: [narrating] Now the last thing I really wanna do is bet a pikey.
Tommy: You'll what?
Pikeys: HE'LL BET YOU FOR IT!
Turkish: What, like Tommy did last time? Do me a favour?
Mickey: I'll do you a favour. You have first bet. If I win, I get a caravan... and the boys get a pair of them shoes.
[the Pikeys laugh at Turkish and Tommy, who are wearing plastic bags around their shoes]
Mickey: If I lose... Oh fuck it, I'll do the fight for free.
Turkish: [narrating] Now the last thing I really wanna do is bet a pikey.
Brick Top: You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.
Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?
Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Vinny: Well, thank you for that. That's a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?
Sol: Would someone mind telling me, who are you?
Brick Top: And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".
Vinny: Well, thank you for that. That's a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?
[first lines]
Turkish: [narrating] My name is Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman, I know. My parents to be were on the same plane when it crashed. That's how they met. They named me after the name of the plane. Not many people are named after a plane crash. That's Tommy. He tells people he was named after a gun, but I know he was really named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.
Turkish: [narrating] My name is Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman, I know. My parents to be were on the same plane when it crashed. That's how they met. They named me after the name of the plane. Not many people are named after a plane crash. That's Tommy. He tells people he was named after a gun, but I know he was really named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.
Turkish: Have you ever crossed the road, and looked the wrong way? A car's nearly on you? So what do you do? Something very silly. You freeze. Your life doesn't flash before you, 'cause you're too fuckin' scared to think - you just freeze and pull a stupid face. But the pikey didn't. Why? Because he had plans of running the car over.
[Avi, Tony, and Rosebud watch Boris on the video monitor]
Bullet Tooth Tony: This guy's a handful.
Rosebud: I hate Russians. I'll take care of him.
Bullet Tooth Tony: He's all yours, Rosebud me old son.
Rosebud: Not a problem.
[Cut to a few minutes later, inside Tony's Jaguar. All three of them are bruised, bloody, and shouting, but Rosebud is seriously hurt]
Rosebud: You gotta get me to a doctor! Shoot that fuck, then get me to a doctor!
Avi: Yeah, yeah, but first the stone, Rosie. First the stone and then I'm gonna get you to a doctor, and not just any doctor, boychik, I'm gonna find you a nice Jewish doctor.
[at Tony]
Avi: Find my friend a nice Jewish doctor!
Bullet Tooth Tony: This guy's a handful.
Rosebud: I hate Russians. I'll take care of him.
Bullet Tooth Tony: He's all yours, Rosebud me old son.
Rosebud: Not a problem.
[Cut to a few minutes later, inside Tony's Jaguar. All three of them are bruised, bloody, and shouting, but Rosebud is seriously hurt]
Rosebud: You gotta get me to a doctor! Shoot that fuck, then get me to a doctor!
Avi: Yeah, yeah, but first the stone, Rosie. First the stone and then I'm gonna get you to a doctor, and not just any doctor, boychik, I'm gonna find you a nice Jewish doctor.
[at Tony]
Avi: Find my friend a nice Jewish doctor!
[Tony empties his gun through the wall, hitting both Boris and Tyrone. He comes in, reloading]
Bullet Tooth Tony: What's Boris doing here? Boris, what are you doing here?
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Fuck you!
[Tony shoots him twice, then turns to Tyrone]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Where's the case?
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Uhhh, you piece of crap...
Bullet Tooth Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris.
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: [reaching for his gun] I show you...
[Tony shoots him four more times]
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Fuck you!
[a seventh time]
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Almost had it...
Bullet Tooth Tony: For fuck's sake...
[Tony takes careful aim and fires an eighth shot. Sound of Boris finally collapsing]
Bullet Tooth Tony: What's Boris doing here? Boris, what are you doing here?
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Fuck you!
[Tony shoots him twice, then turns to Tyrone]
Bullet Tooth Tony: Where's the case?
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Uhhh, you piece of crap...
Bullet Tooth Tony: Don't take the piss, Boris.
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: [reaching for his gun] I show you...
[Tony shoots him four more times]
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Fuck you!
[a seventh time]
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Almost had it...
Bullet Tooth Tony: For fuck's sake...
[Tony takes careful aim and fires an eighth shot. Sound of Boris finally collapsing]
[looking at the video of Sol and Vinny, trapped in the foyer of the bookie's by the security door]
Brick Top: Do you know these tits, Errol?
Errol: I know a lot of tits, Guv'nor. But I don't know any quite as fucking stupid as these two.
Brick Top: John?
John: I can't help, Guv.
[Tyrone pokes his head in the door]
Errol: Ah, Tyrone.
Errol, John: You silly fat bastard.
Brick Top: Do you know these tits, Errol?
Errol: I know a lot of tits, Guv'nor. But I don't know any quite as fucking stupid as these two.
Brick Top: John?
John: I can't help, Guv.
[Tyrone pokes his head in the door]
Errol: Ah, Tyrone.
Errol, John: You silly fat bastard.
[Brick-Top's men have Turkish pinned on the floor. Errol raises a sword to strike, then Tommy appears with his dud pistol]
Tommy: Turkish, get your arse up. Any of you lot follow me, and I'll fucking shoot you.
Errol: Easy, old son. Calm down.
Tommy: I'm the one who's got the gun, son. It's you who I think ought to calm down.
[Errol takes a step forward. Tommy cocks the gun and sticks it right in his face]
Tommy: Go ahead. You want to see if I've got the minerals?
[Brick-Top's men don't move as Tommy backs out of the slot parlor, then runs after Turkish]
Tommy: Turkish, get your arse up. Any of you lot follow me, and I'll fucking shoot you.
Errol: Easy, old son. Calm down.
Tommy: I'm the one who's got the gun, son. It's you who I think ought to calm down.
[Errol takes a step forward. Tommy cocks the gun and sticks it right in his face]
Tommy: Go ahead. You want to see if I've got the minerals?
[Brick-Top's men don't move as Tommy backs out of the slot parlor, then runs after Turkish]
Bullet Tooth Tony: All right, Mullet?
[Mullet freezes, then swallows and turns around]
Mullet: How you doin', Tony? You all right, mate?
Bullet Tooth Tony: Ooh, nice tie.
Mullet: I heard you weren't about much these days, Tony.
Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you know? Still warm, the blood that courses through my veins. Unlike yours, Mullet.
[Mullet freezes, then swallows and turns around]
Mullet: How you doin', Tony? You all right, mate?
Bullet Tooth Tony: Ooh, nice tie.
Mullet: I heard you weren't about much these days, Tony.
Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you know? Still warm, the blood that courses through my veins. Unlike yours, Mullet.
Gorgeous George: Get back down or you will not be coming up next time.
[watches as Mickey warms up]
Gorgeous George: Oh, bollocks to you. This is sick. I'm out of here.
Mickey: You're not going anywhere, you thick lump.
[Pulls off his shirt]
Mickey: You stay until the job's done.
[kisses his good luck charms and knocks Gorgeous out with a single punch]
Turkish: [narrating] It turned out that the sweet-talking, tattoo-sporting pikey was a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion. Which makes him harder than a coffin nail. Right now, that's the last thing on Tommy's mind. If Gorgeous doesn't wake up in the next few minutes, Tommy knows he'll be buried with him. Why would the gypsies go through the trouble of explaining why a man died in their campsite when they can bury the pair of them and just move camp? It's not like they got social security numbers, is it? Tommy - the tit - is praying. And if he isn't, he fucking should be.
[watches as Mickey warms up]
Gorgeous George: Oh, bollocks to you. This is sick. I'm out of here.
Mickey: You're not going anywhere, you thick lump.
[Pulls off his shirt]
Mickey: You stay until the job's done.
[kisses his good luck charms and knocks Gorgeous out with a single punch]
Turkish: [narrating] It turned out that the sweet-talking, tattoo-sporting pikey was a gypsy bare-knuckle boxing champion. Which makes him harder than a coffin nail. Right now, that's the last thing on Tommy's mind. If Gorgeous doesn't wake up in the next few minutes, Tommy knows he'll be buried with him. Why would the gypsies go through the trouble of explaining why a man died in their campsite when they can bury the pair of them and just move camp? It's not like they got social security numbers, is it? Tommy - the tit - is praying. And if he isn't, he fucking should be.
Turkish: You aren't exactly Mister Current Affairs are you, Tommy? "Mad Fist" went mad, and "The Gun," shot himself.
Franky Four Fingers: So the Biblical scholars mis-translated the Hebrew word for "young woman" into the Greek word for "virgin," which was a pretty easy mistake to make, since there is only a subtle difference in the spelling. But back then it was the "virgin" that caught people's attention. It's not every day a virgin conceives and bears a son. So you keep that for a couple of hundred years, and the next thing you know, you have the Holy Catholic church.
Doug the Head: Avi, I'm not telepathic.
Cousin Avi: Well you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that. Do you know why they call him Franky "Four Fingers" Doug? Because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug. And I'm not talking about his fucking fore-skin either.
Cousin Avi: Well you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that. Do you know why they call him Franky "Four Fingers" Doug? Because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug. And I'm not talking about his fucking fore-skin either.
Cousin Avi: Is there gambling involved?
Doug the Head: It's a boxing match, Avi, a boxing match.
Cousin Avi: Did he have a case with him?
Doug the Head: Yes, he had a case.
Cousin Avi: And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" fucking Four Fingers Doug.
Doug the Head: It's a boxing match, Avi, a boxing match.
Cousin Avi: Did he have a case with him?
Doug the Head: Yes, he had a case.
Cousin Avi: And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" fucking Four Fingers Doug.
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: Give me the stone.
Vinny: [pointing] It's in the case.
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: What?
[takes out his earplugs]
Vinny: It's in the case!
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: You put the stone in the case? Then open the case and give me the stone.
Sol: The only man who knew the combination... you just shot.
Vinny: [pointing] It's in the case.
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: What?
[takes out his earplugs]
Vinny: It's in the case!
Boris 'The Blade' Yurinov: You put the stone in the case? Then open the case and give me the stone.
Sol: The only man who knew the combination... you just shot.
Gorgeous George: It's a camp site, a pikey campsite...
Tommy: Ten points.
Gorgeous George: What we doing here?
Tommy: We're buying a caravan.
Gorgeous George: Off a pack of fuckin' pikeys? What's wrong with you? This will get messy.
Tommy: Well not if you're here.
Gorgeous George: Oh, you bastard! I fuckin' hate pikeys!
Tommy: Ten points.
Gorgeous George: What we doing here?
Tommy: We're buying a caravan.
Gorgeous George: Off a pack of fuckin' pikeys? What's wrong with you? This will get messy.
Tommy: Well not if you're here.
Gorgeous George: Oh, you bastard! I fuckin' hate pikeys!
[Gorgeous George has just been knocked out]
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: Shhh. You're going to have to repeat that.
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: Well, where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys, is he? And it ain't as if he's incon-fucking-spicuous now, is it?
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: Shhh. You're going to have to repeat that.
Tommy: We've lost Gorgeous George.
Brick Top: Well, where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys, is he? And it ain't as if he's incon-fucking-spicuous now, is it?
Turkish: I don't want to go in there. He's a dangerous bastard. Taken too many disco biscuits in the heat of Russian disputations. He's got as many of these nuts as he has those nuts.
Tommy: I don't care if he's got fucking hazelnuts. I want a gun that works, and I'm gonna tell him.
Turkish: My God, Tommy, you certainly got those minerals. Well, come on, then before "zee" Germans get here.
Tommy: I don't care if he's got fucking hazelnuts. I want a gun that works, and I'm gonna tell him.
Turkish: My God, Tommy, you certainly got those minerals. Well, come on, then before "zee" Germans get here.
[last lines]
Turkish: [narrating] Tommy persuaded me to keep the dog. I eventually agreed, as long as he took it to a vet. I couldn't stand that squeaking any more. The vet found half an undigested shoe, a squeaky toy, and an 84-carat diamond lodged in its stomach. It's quite amazing what can happen in a week. Still didn't shut it up though. So what do you do? You go to see the man that knows about these sort of things.
Turkish: So what do you think? Do you know anyone who'd be interested?
Doug the Head: I might.
Turkish: [narrating] Tommy persuaded me to keep the dog. I eventually agreed, as long as he took it to a vet. I couldn't stand that squeaking any more. The vet found half an undigested shoe, a squeaky toy, and an 84-carat diamond lodged in its stomach. It's quite amazing what can happen in a week. Still didn't shut it up though. So what do you do? You go to see the man that knows about these sort of things.
Turkish: So what do you think? Do you know anyone who'd be interested?
Doug the Head: I might.
Brick Top: Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary. Dogs do that. You're not a dog, are ya Gary?
Gary: No, no I'm not.
Brick Top: But you do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary. All except loyalty.
[Errol zaps Gary]
Turkish: [Voice over] It's rumored that Brick Top's favorite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a pack of hungry pigs.
Brick Top: [to Errol's companion] You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam, I'll give you that. But I've got no time for grassers.
[John throws a plastic bag over Liam's head and suffocates him]
Brick Top: Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol.
[to the two boxers, who are now staring in horror]
Brick Top: What the fuck are you two looking at?
Gary: No, no I'm not.
Brick Top: But you do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary. All except loyalty.
[Errol zaps Gary]
Turkish: [Voice over] It's rumored that Brick Top's favorite means of dispatch involves a stun gun, a plastic bag, a roll of tape, and a pack of hungry pigs.
Brick Top: [to Errol's companion] You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam, I'll give you that. But I've got no time for grassers.
[John throws a plastic bag over Liam's head and suffocates him]
Brick Top: Feed 'em to the pigs, Errol.
[to the two boxers, who are now staring in horror]
Brick Top: What the fuck are you two looking at?
Turkish: Tommy, why is your skin leaking?
Tommy: I'm a little worried actually, Turkish.
Turkish: Worried about what?
Tommy: What happens if the gypsy knocks the other man out? I mean, he's done it before ain't he?
Turkish: We get murdered before we leave the building, and I imagine we get fed to the pigs.
Tommy: Well I'm glad to see you're climbing the walls in fucking anxiety. Pardon my cynicism, but I don't exactly trust the pikey.
Turkish: Don't think I haven't thunk about that one, Tommy. It's his mum's funeral tonight. God bless her. You know those gypsies like a drink at a wake. I'm not worried about whether Mickey knocks the other man out. I'm worried about whether Mickey makes it to the fourth fucking round.
Tommy: What if he doesn't make it to the fourth round?
Turkish: We get murdered before we leave the building, and I imagine we get fed to the pigs.
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